Hey lovelies, I’m back and feeling much better *victory dance*
I finally got out of bed and made it to my home group for the first time in a few weeks and we got onto the topic of being a good person. I got on my soapbox a lot in the session and could feel a real stir for injustice in my bones. But in true Nessa fashion, I’m now sat on my bed overthinking about the conversation and about just how much I did say and whether or not people got annoyed with me yadda yadda yadda.
However… that being said, I’ve ended up writing a poem (?) - or at least a piece of writing for sure- just reflecting on what it means to be a good person and whether I am or not.
The poem has helped me direct my energy and so hopefully I’ll be off into a peaceful slumber just after this reaches you!
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It might have passed you by that I no long have Instagram. Instagram was one of the main sources of traffic to my Substack. I have noticed a significant drop from not having this traffic and so sharing has become much more significant. Take a second to think about someone in your head…. got them? Great! Share this Substack with them! Tell them I turn into Mary Poppins in the end or something…
(True Story Time - When I was a kid, my parents told my brother, my cousin and I that Maria in the Sound of Music turned into Mary Poppins at the end… safe to say we sat through the entire thing! So this theory is tried and tested!!)
Thursday 23rd November 2023
Am I a Good Person?
Am I a good person? An interesting thought.
Is it all external, am I scared of getting caught?
How do we know which of us is good?
And does goodness equate to just doing the things we think we should?
When I peel away the curtain, when my psyche is exposed,
Will it be all airs and graces and my ways, unopposed?
What makes a good person?
Can we even tell?
Is is only the smiley people not going to hell?
When I’m righteously angry and I’m feel all sad,
I find it tricky not thinking we’re all inherently bad.
That the world should be bulldozed, all flattened, wiped out
For the things that we’re thinking when no one’s about.
But am I a good person?
It’s difficult to tell.
I swear like a sailor and I’d laugh if you fell.
But I’m kind, and I’m loving, and I’ll make you a tea,
and I’ll always give time like I’ve nowhere else to be.
And I care about humans, and I care for the world
And I feel my heart breaking at the ones getting killed.
But
I’ll also ignore you if you’ve pissed me right off
and my bad mood will fester like a tickly cough.
I feel it quite deeply when injustice is present.
And when I seek out pro-action, I feel effervescent.
Am I a good person?
Yes, but also no.
It’s hard to explain but I’ll give it a go.
You see, I am only a human
I’m not simple, I’m complex
And my tongue needs reflection whenever I’m vexed.
In my alone time, I toss and I turn
because I worry about all of the bridges I might burn.
Or that thing I would have said way back in the moment
when my verbal backlashes are worthy opponents.
I want to be better at dishing out grace
and to stop wearing my feelings all over my face.
I want to love better.
To extend it to all.
To acknowledge the fact that yes, everyone falls.
I want to take judgement completely out of my bones
because I wouldn’t be the one throwing the first stone.
So am I a good person?
This has gotten my attention because to be honest,
it’s in never ending contention.
I can do all I can to try and be good
but it won’t always work out in the way that it should.
So, am I a good person?
For the most part at least.
And there’s sought after forgiveness for when my goodness may cease.
And I’m bad, just a little but I’m working on my faults
And there will always be something that comes out of the vaults.
But I have to be kind to myself when that happens,
and I have to be kind to you also, for balance.
For we are both good and both bad in our ways,
we can either say sorry or can argue for days.
But there is beauty in owning mistakes when they come,
So we can rid other people of the shame felt by some.
None of us is a perfect being without anything to work on.
We are all a work in progress
So let’s love each other and move on.
FWIW I think you are one of the best 🧡🧡🧡 and also your writing is wonderful.
PS So glad you are feeling better!
PPS byyyyyyyye IG! Go you!