Nearly 20 years ago, I came across this band called You Me At Six on MySpace.
In true 11/12 year old fashion, I was first attracted to their scene kid haircuts and the band tees they had on. They came into my life at a time when I was just figuring out who I was as a person and realising that I didn’t quite fit in with my friends when it came to my music tastes. It was the time of me discovering My Chemical Romance, The Audition, Attack! Attack!, Paramore, Asking Alexandria, The Used, Fall Out Boy, Elliot Minor, Bring Me The Horizon, the list goes on - I was having a musical enlightenment and a hunger for much more of it in whatever way possible.
As I was too young to be going to gigs at that age, I made do with keeping an eye on what they were up to on MySpace via the family computer, on our shitty dial up, feeling cool for putting lyrics in my MSN status from their demo “We Know What It Means To Be Alone” and knowing that a lot of people didn’t know who they were yet but wanting everyone to know about this band that I was starting to love despite only having a few songs in my ears.
I remember the first time that I saw their first music video “Save It For The Bedroom” on the Scuzz music channel and completely shrieked the place down and then it becoming a ritual before school to flick through any of the music channels in the hope that they’d play the song again and I’d get to see the music video which I already loved so much and which showed them as a group of guys a few years older than me, having fun and doing something that they loved.
Over the last 20 years, I’ve met them multiple times and have seen them more times than I can count. Skipping school a few times (sorry mum) to see them play acoustic sets at the local radio station, going to signings, bumping into them at festivals, chatting to the them round the back of music venues and seeking out advice from them about how to learn to play guitar in the best way and wanting to know what their musical inspirations were.
If their song, Lived a Lie hadn’t have been released when it was, I probably would have dropped out of uni.
They’ve been a permanent fixture in my life. I've grown up with them. Their album releases seem to have occurred at timely moments when I needed music the most and they’ve filled my formative years with memories that I will always cherish.
It’s funny how things work out - at the time that the post went out that You Me At Six was coming to an end, I was on the phone to my brother completely unaware of the news but talking about the strong gut feeling I had that they were about to call it a day. I didn’t have any evidence to back that up other than a few interviews that I was aware of where they had talked about times where they were describing that it was time to do different things. Shortly after getting off the phone, another brother broke the news to me and then I watched the video that they had released announcing the end times were fast approaching.
Yes, I cried… ok maybe bawled my eyes out? but I’m not surprised given that the way they announced it was with a montage of clips over the years which gave my nostalgic tendencies the biggest slap in the face to date.
It feels dramatic to say this but this is the genuine truth - watching that video and having their end confirmed felt like the end of a long term relationship, whilst also feeling like getting news a loved one had died, whilst also feeling like someone has told me that they’ve only got a year left to live.
All three are true.
At this point, my relationship to their music has been my longest relationship.
Their latest album they released is also their last.
And they’ve announced that they will be officially saying goodbye with a string of live gigs around the world over the next year.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, the lasts have already started happening and the only thing left now is the last time I see them live which could be as early as 9th February 2024.
As I’m trying to make sense of this very real feeling of grief that I wasn’t expecting to have for this band, I realise that not a lot of people will fully get the feeling that I am trying to convey. To them, this is a band that I was such a fangirl of as a teenybopper and so my reaction to cry is just a fitting end to that. To me, this is a band who I have grown to admire in ways that have contributed to my own creative work. It feels spiritual in some way and I don’t know fully what I mean by that but I feel like I am mourning the death of something that I can’t imagine life without.
I turn 30 in 5 days! I’m closing the chapter on my 20s and I’m looking towards the future in a different way to how I would have back when I was 19. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t devastated by the news that my favourite band won’t be along for the ride in this next decade in the way that I may have thought. However, having said that I think it’s very fitting that at a time when I’m ready to put the craziness of my teens and 20s up on the memory shelf, that the lads -as I so lovingly have called them for a long time now- are also changing course.
In the same way that their music was always arriving at the moments when I really needed it, their departure as You Me At Six comes at a time when my priorities in life are also changing.
I’m not the same Nessa I was when I turned 20 and I’m sure that I won’t be the same Nessa aged 40. Life changes. Priorities change and sometimes eras have to come to an end in order to make space for new opportunities and new first loves.
It took You Me At Six announcing that they’re nearly done for me to fully realise just how deeply rooted my love for them has truly been over the years and also just how much I’ve relied on their music to give me strength to get through moments that have often felt hopeless. I wonder if my response to the end of YMAS would be different if I was younger and wasn’t already in such a heightened level of reflection about the sense that the tide in my own life is changing.
It feels like the universe’s way of giving me permission to let go of things that I have held close to me and to celebrate endings. I am grateful that it is happening at just the right time for where I’m at in my life and so in the same way their music would arrive in a timely manner, their departure has kept with this trend. They’ve given me some of the best memories of my whole life, truly and showed me what can happen if you work hard and don’t listen to the people trying to put you down and keep you contained.
They are showing me that it’s OK to end things and how to do it well.
Thank you You Me At Six for raising me even when you were just kids yourselves. It has been an absolute honour to be on this ride with you for the last 20 years and I am so proud of you and all that you’ve achieved. Those core memories are mine to keep and I will cherish them.
It might now be time to finally get my VI tattoo.
On the topic of ending well, Nessa C Writes will be moving to monthly from now on. I’ve spent much of the last year figuring out what my writing style is and whilst it’s been very fun to do, now is the time to go back into deep film focus. I’m currently putting together a new film related series around character to help me better develop characters for my own praxis so I will let you know when that is ready to go and will send over all the deets you need.
For now, I wish you a beautiful February. See you in March x
Loved all of this, Nessa! Thank you so much. I look forward to your monthly posts in your third decade 🧡
Lovely, wise and insightful words as always Nessa. Letting go is never easy but the next thing is waiting for you to grab hold of!