When did I get a dog? I don’t remember that purchase. And if I had known that he was going to take up so much time and space, consuming my thoughts and stopping me from doing anything that I wanted to do, I probably wouldn’t have brought him home in the first place.
How did I forget that I had a dog?
I didn’t notice him there at first. He must have just kept himself occupied. Sitting down and minding his own business.
But then I woke up one day and he craved all of my attention, sitting on my chest. His black hair tickling my face and making me sneeze. I feel exhausted. Was he always this heavy? I can’t even pick him up. I guess I’ll have to lay here a little while longer until he moves.
Hours have passed now and he’s still there.
My iPad notifications pings on the other side of the room, alerting me that it’s time to write. I haven’t showered in a few days, I didn’t wanna get him wet. He doesn’t seem to like that.
A moment of annoyance and I fling him off me, sending him flying but he doesn’t leave the room. He watches me as I get out of bed and change the sheets and he follows me to the kitchen as I fix myself a pot of coffee and open the windows.
I check the clock and see I still have time to head to the gym, or take a walk. I have to get eggs too and maybe something green to eat. Maybe a walk to the beach would do me some good and tire him out.
Catching a whiff of myself, I hop in the shower before he has time to stop me.
When I get out, the dog is nowhere to be found. I would call him but I don’t know his name so he probably wouldn’t respond anyway. Maybe he’s gone to wherever he’s been getting his food because I haven’t been feeding him.
Fully dressed, I grab my keys and make my way to the front door.
Ah.
I’ve found him.
He’s made himself comfortable and is blocking my entry point into the world.
I prod him and I push him but he doesn’t move. He’s sound asleep on the doormat and nothing I do gets him to move out of my way.
I am defeated.
I grab a clean pair of pjs from my closet and change into them. I guess today is a pj day afterall.
But a pj day has now turned into pj days. My pjs remain the same set and I’m not sure how long those overnight oats have been in the fridge but I probably can’t eat them anymore. I don’t move them out of the fridge though, that seems like a lot of effort.
I’ve just been so preoccupied with this damn dog. There’s black fur everywhere, in every room and all over me and I have no idea how to solve that.
I search through my transactions, looking for any evidence of when I bought this dog. I see no signs.
Is this dog a stray? Surely not, I would have noticed him getting in.
Maybe he got in when I was asleep. I have been sleeping more the last few weeks. Deeper too. That’ll be it.
I always thought having a dog would be fun but this dog is the unhappiest thing that I’ve ever seen but he must be happy because I give him so much attention and he’s always on my lap or sleeping on my back. Maybe it’s all the late nights that we’ve been having. Last night I swore I’d be in bed by 10pm and then at 3am I was still sitting on the sofa unable to move. He seemed to enjoy that.
If anyone has lost a dog could you please come and collect him. He’s ruining my life and he’s making me sad. His energy is giving me brain fog and my body is weak from carrying him. I don’t know how you took care of him without neglecting yourself.
Can you help me move him?
Please?
I’ve just found his name tag!
Depression.
Do you know him?
Just a side note- I’m ok 🙂 it’s been a hard week with lots of low moods etc. Still navigating lots of change right now and it’s not always the most fun time. This is not a real time piece like a lot of my work on here is but it’s a very real piece. If you’re struggling with your mental health then please reach out to friends and family and if you need to, medical professionals.
Thanks one again Nessa for being so open and vulnerable. I seriously dislike that black dog!!! He's a robber; a sneaky rotten thief. I'm so thankful that I know Someone incredibly compassionate and kind Who is willing to take this black dog out for a walk and giive him a good talking to. He then ties him to the nearest lamppost and leaves him there. 😉 (John 10: 10)
The fight is real and it's exhausting but we do not fight alone. 😊